Hey Florida, mark your calendar for Tuesday night, August 29, 2023! It’s the day when Tropical Storm Idalia will be coming in from the Gulf of Mexico (GOM) as Hurricane Idalia.

“The GOM is just the perfect place for me to complete this transformation. It’s unlike the Atlantic or Pacific that just has, oh, everybody there. I just heard that Franklin, Franklin, was hanging out in the Atlantic! And I’m like, ‘Oh no, I’m not going there!’ So, here I am ready for the GOM to get me all glam, bam, thank you ma'am!” said Idalia. 

Idalia doesn’t have to spend much time in the beauty chair. She has had her steaming 80 degrees plus shampoo and conditioner wash and the moist air applied; which gives her bands that bounce that every hurricane girl loves.

The only thing left is the hurricane dry! Due to Idalia’s need to be the center of attention, she’s getting the Turbo 3000 special. The Turbo 3000 special blows out winds at speeds between 111mph to 129 mph!

Knowing Idalia, she’s going all out with the 129mph blowout winds. Heck, don’t be surprise if she tells GOM to put down the Turbo 3000 and pick up the Turbo 9000.

Depending on the amount of the “Ms. Ross the Boss” look you want to have, the Turbo 9000 uses 157mph or greater winds to blow out the outer bands; giving them the flowing look that Cat 5 hurricanes are known for.

...Beauty, it can be a killer. Like all tropical ladies who become hurricane women, Idalia will put some bodies in a tulip bed. All of y’all folks living on the west side of Florida, along the GOM, and y’all living in the upper northeastern part of Florida and the southeastern parts of Georgia and the Carolinas, along the Atlantic, need to heed the warnings!

Because if y'all don’t, well, on to the upper room or the lower room is where y’all are gwine to go!